Well, i have to say this was not at all what I intended to write about tonight but thats what came out. I was listening to cottonwood online tonight and Bayless said- there is more power in the word of God than we realize. And it's true. But once you receive His word you have to get it into your heart and hold tight to it and guard it because the scripture says that immediately the devil comes to steal that word from you. And he steals it by lying to you, whispering to you that it's not working just look at your circumstance. But the one who holds fast to His word is the one who reaps it's power with the good harvest. The others will reap a harvest too; they reap worry, fear, sickness, bitterness. Whatever seeds we sow into our lives, marriages, children- that is what we will reap. So what are you sowing?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Ive been spending a lot of time with the Lord lately, talking to Him about some things and pretty much saturating myself with His word. I have decided to sell my car because I can't really afford the gas for it. I have a certain amount in my budget and my car costs double that and I just dont have it. So i have had 2 used car options to chose from to replace my car and I have to say that tis has been one of the hardest decisions Ive had to make. It may seem dumb to some but I have spent endless hours researching, praying, stressing, losing sleep, even crying over this. I have discussed the situation with pretty much everyone i know, but it's not the same as it would be to discuss it with my husband. There are sooo many things we take for granted. I know there are women, and i am one of them too, who believe we could do things better then our husbands, make better decisions then them, run things better etc.. it's a deception and a total undermining of your marriage. Unfortunately you'll never really see it unless you either lose your husband or you go before our Father and ask Him if it's true for you. There's a verse in proverbs 31 that says " the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain." Man, that's some meat right there. Think about it, can the heart of your husband trust you? His heart? Trust that you'll respect him and wont put him down disguised in a joke? Trust that you'll stand by his side when things get tough and not turn on him and pick on him or blame him like he doesn't do enough? Would you have the courage to ask him? I remember when i asked George, I cried because in my heart i think i knew the answer. And notice that the husbands gain is directly related to him being able to trust his wife. It's very interesting to me. And I know the men have a huge responsibility as well but us doing our job is not contingent on them doing theirs. Honor God, and He will honor you. We have influence, you know it's true because sadly we've all probably used our powers for evil :) (That was a joke- sorta) But what if we determined to use our influence to build up and encourage, to not see them as the enemy but to chose to love- love like we want to be loved? And you know, I know it's really easy for me to sit here and say all this because I don't have to do right now but ... when they're gone your whole life as you knew it ends, there's a huge empty place inside you, my spiritual covering of my husband is gone and I can actually feel that. And even if your marriage is really tough and you think you'd be better off without them- you wouldn't. You would feel those things too and you wouldn't care about any of it if you could just have them back. To just hold his face, kiss him and lay my head on his chest with his strong arms around me... Please, take my word for it. God can do anything and He is all about restoration. And if He says to do it, He'll help us and even bless us for our faith in Him.
Friday, August 6, 2010
It's been 9 months today. All I can say is we have an amazing Father who loves us beyond measure and He IS faithful. Most nights when I sit here I shake my head in disbelief that my husband is gone. Tonight though, I shake my head in a sort of surreal amazement at what God has done for us and how far He's brought me. I remember every detail of 9 months ago at this exact moment. I remember who was here. I remember him wrestling with God. I remember him squeezing my arm about 40 minutes from this time as his spirit left his body. I remember watching his body takes it's last breath but he was already long gone. I remember kissing the top of his sweet bald head for the very last time-ever! But God, our Father moved right in to Georges place and there have been many days that I knew He was right beside me literally holding me up and walking me through. And here I sit, still sad and hurting, but ok and sometimes even good. I drove past he hospital where he was last week without even realizing that i had passed it. Usually I would almost get sick just knowing i had to go that direction. God has done amazing things for me... from the start He answered my prayer to meet someone at church 2 days after he passed who has been where I am that could tell me I was going to be ok. Not only that, but He also brought into my life some other amazing ladies who are widows or former widows who are just pillars of hope and strength for me. I have never felt more loved in my whole entire life. Sometimes I just want to burst, im just overwhelmed with His love and the love of His people. He has delivered me from all my credit card debt so we are completely debt free aside from the house. The bank approved our loan modification after saying they canceled it, which is another miracle. He's helped sell things and not just sell them but He provided really good people to buy them which matters to me and then the topper was the people would offer me more than what i had asked for. Ive had total strangers twice offer to let us live with them if ever we need to. The family actually just sent me a letter again a few weeks ago letting me know again that their home is always available to us. He's brought numerous people into my life to share with, help, hug and encourage. People have written me notes saying that they heard about our story and it's moved them to love their husbands and children more. He has spoken to me. He's held me tight through some of the worst sorrow and pain ive ever felt in my life. And just when I thought it would take me over, He would lift me out and comfort me. He's made me laugh, given me joy. He's telling the truth when He says in His word that sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning. Some nights i would be so exhausted from being so sad that i would just go to bed holding onto that word. I just stand in awe of Him. Who Is like the Lord our God? Who? There's none. I'll praise Him forever for what He has done!