Thursday, December 16, 2010

I can't sleep tonight

So much has been going on.... When my husband went home to heaven our house was a mess. We had no walls, plywood on some walls, no working heat, things were not good. About 2 months ago some amazing people in my homeschool group got together and created a beautiful home for us. ( I will post before and after pics on facebook soon) We were staying with my mom while the work was being done and a few days before we moved back in someone robbed us. I pulled up to the house and one of the garage doors was open and 2 of the gates. I told the boys to stay in the car while I checked things out. I didn't notice anything right away ( because they took stuff from the other side of the garage) but the boys noticed their playstation 2 was gone. Then I noticed there were some tools missing. The amazing thing is that about a week before I had a friend over and told her I wanted to take inventory of what was in there because i may try to sell some tools I won't ever use. So I had a list of what everything was, pictures, and serial numbers. Had I not had that I would have had no idea what was stolen. God is so amazing! He even starts working things out for us even before they happen! I have to admit though, I wasn't upset about the stuff. ( Well, I was upset about the boys playstation cause it's just wrong for your kids to have their stuff stolen) But I was upset that I was alone and fear tried to set in. And believe me, I know God is with me but I miss the presence of my husband. I was never afraid at night. If I heard a noise or the sensor light went on Id either curl up closer to him or if I really thought it was something Id wake him and he'd check it out. Now every sound seems to me magnified and every time that sensor light goes on it freaks me out, my adrenaline starts going and i watch to see if there's a shadow or something. So I stay up "on watch" until I just can't stay awake any longer and then I say to the Lord "ok, You'll have to take over now because I can't stay awake any longer." And then I lay there....
I miss my husband. Sometimes life is just going by and we're happy and I feel "over" the grief. It's hard to explain, but I feel "ok" without him but then something happens tha stirs things up again. The other day one of his friends texted me on accident :) After he realized who I was he told me that he was putting a scrapbook together for me and the boys about every conversation he had with my husband about how much he loved me and the boys. Just seeing the words- how much George loved you and the boys. For awhile i really missed hearing him say he loves me or getting a text but - im not sure the right words- i guess I had stopped thinking about it until his friend sent me that message. Now I really miss it! So much so that Im keeping the text from his friend and I've read it quite a few times. Yep, I miss him and so do my boys. So I'm hanging onto Jesus. He is my Rock, my Refuge, my Hiding Place, my Defender, my Life. I love the scripture in Isaiah 49: 15-16 that says- Can a woman forget her nursing child, and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even though these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands... The hebrew picture for that last verse means you're holding something so tight in your hand that it actually carves the imprint of that object into your hands. I just love that picture. And I believe He is holding onto us just like that. Going to try to go to bed now. Curl up extra close to your guys tonight and be thankful they're there.


  1. My heart still bleeds for your family.. Your husband reminds me of yours so bad they even do the same jobs construction.. I read your very first blog and he said see I told you electrical tape and super glue is a contractors best friend. My husband smokes something I have had to give to the Lord but it does make me a little uneasy about him getting sick at such a young age we had a friend 45 die of colon cancer he smoked when they found it he was at stage 4 nothing they could do. I dont know if your husband smoked he might not of but mine does and I am praying and crying out to God for him to stop. I am so excited that you got your house fixed up. I pray you had a wonderful Christmas. I would love to see your pictures on face book come and find me Anne Zutuat Petitt I have a blog as well we are trying to adopt a Russian boy from Russia I love your music on your website could you help me figure out how I can do some on mine I haven't figured out how to do much that is for sure need some expert advise. We home school as well we live in Georgia. You boys are so handsome.. I understand what you are saying about how you feel at night now.. Phillip travels and when he gone is wasn't pleasant me and God had to really work on that one I will pray for you on that and I am really sorry those people did that to you did they ever recover any of it? People just dont have any scruples anymore.. That verse comes to me about Vengeance is MINE thus saith the LORD..I hope they catch who ever it was my friend had that done and it was a teenage boy down the road. I loved the story about you and your husband having Bible study/challenges at the coffee and challenge you in Gods word. I love that song Oh, how He loves US.. I don't know if that is what its called but you have it on your songs. I am going to say a special prays for family today and keep praying for Him to bless you. I love reading your post you are such a source of inspiration to me.. I hate how you have had to come to this point I don't always understand God and why he does what he does and we may never know why but I do know I trust HIM in whatever it and know he has knows better than us in all that happens.. Thanks for still loving Jesus and trusting Him even when it hasn't felt good and its been thru very hard circumstances. God Bless you my distance blogger friend. Anne

  2. Amen. Amazing the little things we never think about missing like buying cards for our husbands, ironing their shirts & making lunches...It's truly the journey that's precious & it's a good reminder for every wife.
    I'm sorry to hear your home was broken into. I had a dream just this morning that someone broke in to my parent's home while I was there alone with my 94 year old grandmother. It was frightening. I asked Aba - what would I do if it was real? He reminded me that He gives us grace to handle whatever need - just the right amount at just the right time. Where would we be without Him?