Saturday, June 19, 2010

Grief is a strange thing. I get taken by surprise by some of the things that remind me of certain times. Isaiah my 7 yo told me the other night that he doesn't like going to a certain place that we go to every week because as soon as he walks in their backyard he thinks of his dad and get's sad. But when we go home he forgets and isn't sad anymore. The strange thing is that george never went to this place with us. And I found that really interesting that it made him think of him when we go there. Today i cleaned my house- the whole thing and even got my laundry put away! It was a small miracle, believe me! I used a special cleaner on the tile on my kitchen floor and some time later i walked on it and somehow just the feel of it under my feet brought me back to the day George put the tile in and I was just immediately brought back to that memory of him just from walking on my tile- which i've done countless times but something was different about it today. It's weird. But you know, that's how this goes. There's no rhyme or reason to it, just a trust that God is leading us all through. I decided not to go to cottonwood this weekend. Im not sure if they will be doing a message about dad's but Id rather not take the chance. Plus i didnt want the boys to feel uncomfortable in their classes if they were having the kids draw pictures for their dads. So I think tomorrow we will see what's playing at the dollar movie theatre and eat a bunch of junk food. Im praying the day passes sorta quickly for us and that whatever we decide to do we will be able to remember George with joy. I have to say as I was typing right now that Ben my 5yo came out of his bed and started to go into the kitchen to pee. That's not the first time he's done that and fortunately I've caught him and was able to redirect him in time. I should be hearing about if we'll be able to keep the house or not within this next week so please pray for us. Ill let you know what happens. And as of a few days ago i became totally credit card debt free. God is so faithful! And i have to just say, before george passed we had one credit left that we didnt owe on and it was in his name only. And i remember it was expiring october 31 and on that night ( which was 6 days before he died) I was laying in bed so tempted to go online and buy gift cards to target and the market because i didnt know what was going to happen to us and I thought we might need them. But I couldn't do it. I said to the Lord- if I do this, then Im saying that You wont provide for us. I just couldn't say that. And here i sit, hafting to declare His faithfulness because He has, is and I know will continue to take care of us. He has not changed. He is our Dad and He loves us and longs to be gracious to us. I have no words....just absolute thankfulness to Him!

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