Monday, July 26, 2010

Im a mess tonight. Im just getting blindsided by all this sorrow. I hate to even write about it here because it's just the same thing over and over again. I just sit here in disbelief that he's gone. I just can't wrap my heart around that. Im so stinkin sad. I feel like a huge hypocrite. At home the kids see me, im a crying yelling mess but out of the house I have the game face on. Ive been watching this video I have of him. It was 4 days before he died and I just wanted to video tape him saying he loves me. He did a little video for each of the boys and I wanted one for me. He ofcourse had to be silly and sing it and right when he started Simeon grabbed his feet and hurt him and he started yelling. His toes were all turning black from... I don't even know what. Isaac made a funny comment- "that was a funny song Dad" which kinda made him smile. He did end up singing it. I just wanted him to say he loves me...how we take hearing those words for granted. I don't know.... I just sit here shaking my head, how can this be? I miss him. I want to be over all this. Im exhausted from being so emotional. Ugh!

5 comments:

  1. Many prayers being sent your way!!!

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  2. It comes in waves, doesn't it? I pray you remember the good things and times most and not your regrets. (I have done a lot of that, too!) God bless you in every moment.

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  3. It has surprised me that the disbelief hasn't gone away. I just can't shake it either. How can this be? It's all so strange.

    I hope today you will feel comforted and strengthened.

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  4. I can say from experience with losing my spouse when my girls were very young, the disbelief will stay with you for the rest of your lives. I just wanted to encourage you to remember to include Jesus, just as your brilliant husband told you to do. What a wonderful word to give your wife! God will be the Father when you need Him, and He will be the Husband when you need Him. Cast all your cares on Him, He can take it. Only time will make your road more bearable. If anyone knows how we can give without suing Paypal, I'd like to know. My email is toomanyofus@gmail.com Bless you

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  5. great big ((hugs)) Dear Dear Sweet Child of God

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