Sunday, October 24, 2010

It's been quite a while since ive written. Actually Ive written but not finished anything to be able to post it. its amazing how fast the time goes by. It's coming up on the one year anniversary of my husband going home to heaven and all I can say is God, our Father, is faithful. I remember sitting at cottonwood 2 days after george passed and the man preaching got down on his hands and knees and was crawling across the floor saying -if this is you right now, even though other people may be smiling walking happily around you, you just keep going. Just keep looking at Jesus and before you know it you'll find yourself over here and you'll wonder how you got there and it will have been the Lord who carried you. He was absolutely right. It hasnt been easy, and even as Im writing tonight im hurting. It's a feeling that's hard to really explain. It's like being wounded but entails so many other feelings as well. It pretty much sucks! I miss him! I feel lost sometimes without him. To just be able to sit and talk with him... Ben has been coming up to me lately 5 or 6 times a day and hugs me and tells me that he misses his dad and wishes he was here. Sigh.... That's really the hardest part. It's just absolutely wrong for a child to be missing their mom or dad. I have learned though, that to make it through my darkest moments I must keep my eyes on Jesus. That is the answer, He is the answer. While there is nothing wrong with lettin it out to my friends, He alone is my Healer, and the One who is going to bring us through this. That's also true for whatever circumstance we ever face. Our answer is in Christ, not your pastor, husband, or friends. It's ok to seek their counsel but we must seek Him more. I was running the other night and even though I was running, I was going slow and being sorta lazy about it. And God spoke to me about how I was running! It amazes me the moments He sometimes choses to step in and show me something spiritual. He told me not to run like that, BUT to run with a purpose. Ive been thinking alot about that now, looking at some of the areas in my life that i may be running weakly or not even running at all. 1 corinthians 9:24 says Do you not know that all those who run in a race all run, but only one recieves the prize? Run in such a way that you may win!...Therefore I run in such a way as not without aim.. and paul says in Hebrews 12:1 let us also lay aside every encumberance- the things that weigh us down- and the sin that so easily entangles us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us... This was an important message to the early believers at that time (and still is to us now) because they had began well ( believing in Christ ) but were throwing away their confidence in God and falling behind and were endanger of even quitting (Heb ch 10-12). All of these references to a christians life as a conflict, wrestling match, striving, labor, and in this case running a race show us we're going to have to hang tough and fight through some challenges in this life. The really good news is, this world is not our home! But while we are here God says Heb 12:2 that if we fix our eyes on Jesus...consider Him... what He endured, the promise is we wont grow weary and lose heart. That's how we make it through whatever we face- look at Jesus.

8 comments:

  1. You are one of my earthly heroes. Yes, only Jesus can carry us, He is my true Hero. Praying for you and your boys as the one year mark is almost here...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shalom Denise. Shalom, Shalom, Shalom!!
    I pray you are blessed and kept and encouraged at this time of your life! I know it is hard. I know you know the Father's love, and I pray you will also know his Shalom.

    Shalom: It is not just the word "peace". It is so much more. It is the Father's peace. It is not just peace he gives, but peace he is and imparts of himself. It is not a feeling, but a completeness - a wholeness, a well-being, a safety. It is a real substance, not just the feeling of being at peace.

    (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your children. Thank God that He is near to the brokenhearted and can fill any void that is in our hearts and homes. God bless you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's hard to know what to say. I'm praying for you and your boys right now. Father, comfort them as only You can. Pour out Your love and strength right now. In Jesus' name.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Shalom Denise, I remember not long ago sharing your story with my two children, ages 15 and 14. Like Penny says, it is hard to know what to say. I will pray that YHWH will continue to give you the strength and courage to help you in those difficult moments. And that your children will continue to feel their father's love until they see him again one day when Yeshua comes back.
    May you be blessed with all that you need.
    blessings ~ Carmen

    ReplyDelete
  6. I came over from Gleaning the Harvest. I am so sorry for your loss, dear Denise!

    Please know that I am praying for you tonight. May God give you strength and grace for each day and may you find JOY amidst your tears.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just want to express my sorrow and love as I sort of understand. It will be four years in February that my husband suddenly and unexpectedly died. My oldest of eight children was only four days shy of her 16th birthday and my youngest had just turned one the month before he died. I will pray for you as I feel your pain as you share your heart expressing the grief you feel over the loss of your husband and the loss your boys feel so deeply. I have four boys and four girls, and I understand the longing to fill the void their daddy left. I showed my four year old boy the picture of your boys and told him that their daddy died too, he was so sympathetic, he could understand.

    ReplyDelete