Im striving tonight and i hate it. You can always tell when you are striving because your mind spins and you have no rest. I think its the "not knowing" of things thats the hardest. Or really maybe its the wanting of something so bad and being afraid that its not what God wants. Yep, thats it! And yet He tells us He wont with hold any good thing from us. Why cant i just give Him my burden? Its strange...do we think by not giving Him our burdens, concerns and desires that somehow by not surrendering it we have control of it? Does that make sense? For example, i want more than anything ( except for having my husband back ) to stay in our home. It is a refuge for me of memories and security and love. And there's a part of me that doesnt want to give this want up to the Lord because im afraid He would move us somewhere else. So if i hold onto it as tight as i can He wont be able to do He wants. Isnt that quite a deception on my part? I mean really, He is God Almighty, I cant stop Him. And why cant my heart rest in Him that He is my Dad and He knows whats best for us. He wouldnt move us from here to purposely hurt me, but im sure to give us something even better. Its kinda sad actually because it shows my lack of trust in His love for me. But even at that, im going to keep staying as close to Him as humanly possible and trust His Spirit to work out those things in my heart. I miss my husband. Its so strange all the different emotions im going through. God is being so faithful and doing so many wonderful things that my heart is joyful. But on the flip side, i wish i could share them with my best friend. I wish i could rest my head in his neck and just love him and rejoice together in God's faithfulness.
Psalm 46:10 (i combined a couple of different translations )
Cease striving, let go of your concerns, be at peace in the knowledge that I Am God!