hmmm

I keep hearing it will "be better" after the holidays are over. I know people are sincerely trying to encourage me but lets see...after christams comes new years. After new years is our anniversary, then Ben's birthday. Feb is valentines day which always got me a hand made card from George with something sweet written in it. april is passover and easter and about the time he started getting sick. may is my birthday which again he always hand made a card for me and wrote me a letter. july is a kicker- simeon's birthday is the 14th, isaac's is the 23rd and george's is- was- the 31st. sept we had a special private memory together, oct was when he went into the hospital and then we're back to november when he went home to be with the Lord! So i think that theory's kinda blown. Again though, i appreciate their intention. what i find though is that it's not those things that are difficult to get through, you know they're coming. It's the unexpected things that hit you that you aren't expecting like hearing the aerosmith song " dont want to close my eyes" while your eating lunch in red robin, its seeing other families together with a husband/ dad walking and laughing and realizing thats not us anymore It's the thought of -oh no, theyre going to want to do family pictures at christmas-- but this isnt my family anymore!!!! My husband is missing, part of me is missing, PART OF US IS MISSING!!!! It's those things that just hit you out of no where that sink your heart. But, I Know, My Father is Faithful. And I know He is carrying us through this and even when it doesnt look like it or feel like it, i know we are healing everyday and are one day closer to being out of the valley of weeping. and not that you ever forget or still dont get sad but i know there is a healed place you get to at the end of the grieving process. So, until then im ( we are ) hidden in My Father's safe hands, close to His heart that loves me (us) so much He gave the life of His son as a ransom for me. So Thankful for That!