Thursday, April 8, 2010

I have been without a computer for a week and thats been really hard. It's amazing to me how much it actually helps to write here as well as journaling. So much has been going on...I am loving the daylight lasting longer. We planted our vegetable garden in the backyard and Ben and Isaiah planted some wildflowers in the front yard. I wasnt going to do it this year but the kids really wanted to and i have to say it feels good to have life and things growing here. In the evening we turn the praise music up really really loud, sit out front and check on their little baby flowers growing and eat otter pops. Life CAN be sweet even when youre in the valley of weeping. For those of you who didnt know my husband, he was very out going, talked to everyone, helped anyone who needed it. He's literally given the shirt off his back to people before. All of our neighbors knew George and they have been walking in the evening now and ofcourse they all have stopped to mention they havent seen him out front in a while and now his great big ford truck is gone as well so i have had to share with a whole new slew of people what happened. I am amazed to find out how many people have lost someone they love to some form of cancer! Im not sure what pit of hell cancer crawled out of, but its evil and people live in total fear of it.
Right now i know of 3 people that are facing death. One is a sweet 85 yo widower friend of my family Joe. He has COPD and his lungs are just stopping working. They took him off the ventilator today, it will be a miracle if he lives through the night. One other family the husband has terminal bad prostrate cancer and the other family is a man who was really kind to us after George passed. He is having brain surgery tomorrow morning to try to figure out what the lesions are in his brain/ body and figuring out treatment. His son's wedding is this saturday. It just blows my mind how much death or potential death is near me. And it trips me out how life and the world just keeps going on! We just celebrated Easter and it really wasnt hard for me because of George. What was hard for me was enjoying my day, stuffing my face when i knew what other people were facing. It felt like a waste of my time. I would have rather been visiting the sick or even just spent the day in prayer for all these people. When you know what those people are going to be feeling- the magnitude and anguish of grief- it just makes me want to wrap my arms around them and love them. You know, thats probably the only thing i like about hospitals is the fact there i feel free to do that. When george was at UCI we would just see someone pacing the hall and he would tell me to go check on them and i would just walk up and put my arms around total strangers and listen to them and pray for them. I even did it one time going up the elevator to the parking structure. Life is different in there. Your career, your money, your social status dont matter in there- we're all on equal ground. All the world garbage is left at the doors and you just care for each other- total strangers- and you want to help ease their burdens. I think that happens when we experience great catastrophes like the the world trade centers. Again you have this sudden realization of death and disaster and it immediately brings into our focus what matters most in our lives- loving people. Yes our families, but even absolute total strangers. I wonder why we lose that, because we do. We go back to the routine of our lives. I dont want that to happen to me. Yes, we do have to do our life stuff but I want to always be moved by compassion for people. Really, what else matters? Loving God, loving others. Try it this week. When youre walking through the market and you see some little old lady, reach out and touch her arm and ask how she is. Find a mom and compliment her or encourage her or do whatever the Lord brings infront of you. Dont wait until you experience something sorrowful to have that love for people- love them now.

1 comment:

  1. This is a wonderful post. I am amazed at the beautiful things God is birthing through you during this incredibly hard journey you are on. I want you to know that I am humbled, encouraged and chastised (in a good way) by your blog, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that respect. Thanks to you and the Lord for your precious words...