Saturday, March 27, 2010

Im totally enjoying this beautiful warm and windy saturday. the boys watch sat morning cartoons from 7- 12 on saturdays which gives me time to clean the house and get some laundry done. After that we worked in the backyard getting our soil ready to plant the seeds we bought yesterday. Its amazing how excited kids get over the simplest of things. Simeon and i chased a grasshoper for a few minutes and he was just elated over trying to catch it. Ben and Isaiah found two blue tail caterpillars ( not even sure thats a real thing, but oh well! ) which was like finding gold to them. they ofcourse came in and took my last two tupperware containers to make homes for them and now they are carrying their new little friends around taking such sweet care of them. Now if i could only get them to love each other like they do these bugs!
I wanted to take some time to share about how tangible and amazingly faithful my Father has been throughout this journey. The very first thing He did was 2 days after George passed. i decided to go to cottonwood church. It was a big convention weekend and i knew there would be a billion people there but i had prayed that morning and asked the Lord to lead me and sit me next to someone who had been where i was that could tell me i would be ok. I just really needed to hear those words. So i went and i chose a seat next to this lady who's name is Deborah. We said hello to each other and ofcourse i lost it and shared with her what had happened. She assured me i would be ok. and she said, " im not just saying that, im speaking from experience."she went on to tell me how 9 years ago her fiance - the man she had saved herself for her whole life- had passed away from a brain annurism ( i know i spelled that wrong- sorry ) he lived in a different city from her and when she hadnt heard from him she went to his place and found him dead. so she loved on me and told me i would never forget but that it would get easier. I dont remember any part of the message that day except the very end and it was like God was speaking directly to me. The man speaking was talking about the looking good christians. the ones who are always smiling, dressed nice, walking by us in life all happily cruising along. Then he said , but if this is you and he got down on his knees and started dragging himself across the floor, you just keep looking straight ahead at Jesus. Even if everyone around you is happily going by you just keep going, hang on, and before you know it you'll be over here and you wont know how you got there but God will carry you through just keep looking at Him. I sat there crying my eyes out because that was me, that was exactly how i felt- like i could barely even crawl. Here i sit almost 5 months later, eyes still fixed on Him and i can say He is absolutely faithful and so near to the brokenhearted! Now i am able to walk, smile even, but i do still have those days of just barely being able to do it. And on those days of not being able to cling to Him, i know He is clinging to me.
ps 62:5-8 My soul, find rest in God alone, for my hope is from Him. He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Stronghold; i will not be moved. On God my salvation and my glory rest. The Rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.

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