Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Rated "R" for exclamation point profanity

I was going to write something encouraging tonight. The last couple of messages at church have been really good about expecting God to do great things for us but honestly thats gone for me at this moment. It is amazing to me how one thing can just almost sink me. I was going about having a great day visiting a friend today and i was in their front yard pushing Simeon in a swing. My friends husband came home and without thinking i turned towards where her kids were and said- your dads here. Simeon spun his head around so fast to look and he said dad! My heart sunk and i couldnt believe i even said it. Then i had to explain to him that it wasnt his dad, it was theirs. Do you have any idea how !!!!!! up that is????? And please dont even think about giving me grief about my exclamation points! I just wanted to throw up! It is wrong on every single level to have to repeatedly tell my little boy that his dad is gone. And im sure he's over it now but i sit and wonder what his heart must have felt at that moment when i said those stupid !!!!!!! words and right now i cant let it go. Im so, so sad- and angry! Im sad not only for me but for other people- a man who lost his wife and he has a 3 yo little boy who keeps calling for his mom- every single day now for i think almost a year -and his dad is helpless to that and it's wrong that he doesnt have her! People move on with their lives - which is ok, it's what they should do. But they have no idea the ins and outs of everyday little things we go through. Little things that you just never think of. Like a little boy crying in need of his mom and dad trying to bring him comfort but he wants his mom and keeps crying for her. I cant even imagine how hard it is for him! i know another woman who will probably lose her husband, she cant even sleep in her bed because he's not with her. Father, forgive me for walking through this life so self absorbed. Help me to stop wasting time and worrying about things that are temporal. Help me to love all over on my boys and to not be irritated with them because they arent perfect. Please pray for people. Get alone with God and tell Him youre willing to intercede for people and ask Him who to pray for, He'll lead you. There is so much pain in this world, i dont know how our Father bears it- but im sure glad He bears it for us because i cant carry this load.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing sweet one. You are greatly LOVED. I wish I could give you a big hug and just let you cry it all out. It's okay to be angry - know though that your sweet life partner and their daddy is in heaven waiting without the pain he was in- I know this is hard-keep showing your boys GOD (even when you don't feel like it) God has this all worked out remember - they were brought into the world with God's full knowledge of this very moment in your life. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. You will be blessed.